Author Topic: Exile #646074137  (Read 1943 times)

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Offline TheOtherRick

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Exile #646074137
« on: December 13, 2014, 12:43:15 PM »
Here is a meager attempt at some fan fiction. Hope you enjoy it...



EXILE #646074137

Prologue

The processed air felt cool on exposed skin. Chill bumps rose and fell each time we passed an air vent. The only discernible sounds were the footfalls of the guards on the metal floor and the occasional whirring of the circulating fans as we passed beneath a vent. No one spoke, neither guard nor prisoner.  We each contemplated our fate in our own way, and in silence. The Clave had passed judgment and rendered their verdict.

Banishment.

And now we were being led to that fate, stripped naked and blindfolded, with our hands bound at the wrist behind our backs. Our crime had been a simple one. Curiosity, while seeming innocuous and normal, at least to me, had its price.

Banishment.

* * *

The Clave were the providers of all that humanity needed, at least in their eyes. They gave us food and shelter, requiring that all we do is provide the necessary labor to maintain these essentials. I worked in a food processing facility, turning the provided protein into food chips. I didn’t really do anything there, except make sure that the raw materials entered the processor. Chunks of red matter arrived on a conveyor belt and were deposited into a conical bin. This funneled into a large machine that processed the matter into food chips. Mundane was far too weak a word to describe my life. Hours of watching machines work. Just sitting there, watching.

Years ago, a man had started wild rumors of a place that had no ceilings. He spoke of a place so immense that it had no discernible boundaries. He claimed that a man could walk for miles and not see the exact same thing twice. Most thought he was insane, and that The Clave had shown great mercy in terminating his delusions by ending his life. But there were those that gave credence to his words, specifically, the man’s wife. While she maintained an outward appearance of agreeing that her husband must have been insane, she had believed every word of his story. Her name was Julia, and she had started the movement.

* * *

Suddenly, we stopped walking. I had no idea where we were. The blindfold had been very effective in this respect. We waited there in silence. A sudden hissing sound emanated from directly in front of me, and the guards prodded us forward for a few steps and we stopped again. The hissing sound was repeated, this time from behind me. An odd sensation flooded my senses, and I realized that we were moving upward. I drifted back into my memories of recent events.

* * *

Julia’s son, Seajae, had approached me during my midday nourishment period in the processor lounge. He slipped me a piece of paper without saying a word and walked away. He had left the room before I could ask any questions, so I unfolded the paper and discovered a map. The words “go see” were written in the corner. No matter how hard my parents had tried to dissuade me from it, I have always had a curious nature. As a child, words like “why” and “how” were constantly creeping into my vocabulary and speech. When I would utter them, my parents would cringe and tell me things like “don’t worry about it” or “it doesn’t concern you”. But I was worried about it, and concerned about it, whatever “it” may have been at the time. Now I had this map, and that old curiosity returned. I decided to investigate when my shift ended.

* * *

The sensation of rising came to a sudden halt with a loud clanking sound. A repeat of the hissing came from in front of me and we were once again prodded forward. The texture of the floor was very different here. It felt moist and cold beneath my bare feet, and it had a rough, uneven feel about it. Occasionally, there was a gritty substance that would stick to the soles of my feet. It was truly an odd sensation. The air also had a unique odor. I had only smelled this aroma once before, and it sent my mind racing with wonder as to where we might be. Once again, memory shot into my thoughts.

* * *

The map had led me to a seldom frequented area. I hadn’t seen another person for quite some time. Abruptly, the passageway ended. There was something wrong with the wall at its terminus. It had a crack where the metal had been forcibly pulled back. I walked over to investigate and looked through the opening. A strange sight indeed was on the other side. It was a tunnel, the walls of which were very rough and randomly shaped. Not the polished metal that I was accustomed to seeing on a daily basis for all of my life, but rather a dull, bumpy surface that seemed to glisten here and there. The air coming from this opening had a very unusual smell. It is hard to describe, because all I have ever smelled is the processed air that we all breathe. But this air was… different. At the other end of this odd looking passage was a light source. It was a light blue color. I was transfixed by this strange sight when suddenly a white object passed across the light source. As quickly as it came, it was gone, with the light source returning to its original blue hue. My thoughts were interrupted by the evening nourishment bell, and I realized that I would need to hurry back before I was deemed missing. When I reached my living quarters, my wife greeted me and gestured toward the dining area. Julia and Seajae were seated at the table.

“So, did you follow the map?” Seajae asked.

“I did.” I replied. “Why did you give it to me?”

“Because we knew you would follow it, and you proved us right.” answered Julia. She motioned for me to sit at the table and continued, “I knew your parents and therefore I also knew of your tendency toward curiosity. This made you a perfect recruitment opportunity.”

“Recruitment?” I asked.

“My husband was deemed insane.” Julia explained, “But I know better. He told me of the entrance to the place where he had been. I went there, before The Clave sealed it off. The passage you saw was the route to that world he had described. It is real, not the delusions of a madman. I have had to pick and choose among our people to find those that are curious. When we have enough believers, we will have the strength to show the rest what is being hidden from them.”

“And that would be what, exactly?” I queried.

“That we are a captive people. That we are denied of everything except metal walls and processed air. That there is more to life than watching machines work until our termination notice.” she replied.

Then Seajae spoke, “Do you have friends you can trust?”

I was staring at Julia when I shook my head after Seajae repeated his question.

“What? Oh, yes, I do have friends that can be trusted. A half dozen or so.” I replied.

“Then you must show them what we have shown to you. Lead them to the place. Make them realize what you have now realized. We need your help.” Julia said as she and Seajae rose to leave. Dark time was due any minute and they needed to get back to their quarters before it became impossible to do so before the next light cycle.

* * *

The texture beneath our feet changed yet again as the guards stopped us. Now the surface was soft and not unpleasant. I could feel strange bristle-like objects between my toes. They were not stiff or painful at all. It was a totally new sensation. Presently, a guard placed an object over my head that covered my ears. Now I was deaf to all sound as well as sightless from the blindfold. But that was to change, as suddenly my senses were assailed by a bombardment of sounds, images, and words. A large green object on a brown stalk that I became aware was called a tree. A material derived from that brown stalk that was called wood. A hard, rough material that resembled the walls of the passage I had seen was called stone. A constant rush of information poured into my thoughts like a torrent. Words I had never heard of. Sky, sun, rain, snow… the influx was seemingly endless. Deer, grain, iron, tools…it went on and on. I don’t know how long it lasted. My last memory before losing consciousness was hearing a voice say, “Transfer to 646074137 complete. C 14. 8 M. 6 J. Begin. Set time code zero zero for 646074137. Begin.” Then blackness swallowed me. When I awoke, a wondrous sight flooded my vision and left me awe struck.
 
Although I had never seen anything like it, I knew instantly what everything was. There were trees and rocks. There were clouds in the sky. Mountains loomed in the distance. A cart with four wheels was sitting several yards away from me. The information dump into my brain must have prepared me for all of this. Everyone awoke at the same time. We were in a field of grass, all still naked, but our blindfolds and bindings were gone. The air had a slight chill, but the warm rays of the sun made it bearable. The device that had been placed on my head was also gone. We all looked around in wonder. Some of the children started to cry from fear. The others tried to comfort them as we all came to a singular realization.

We were now banished.

EDIT : I changed just a little of the wording in the last two paragraphs to accommodate some errors I made in the text when compared to the actual gameplay that this story will be based on. My apologies.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2014, 08:14:26 PM by TheOtherRick »

Offline A Nonny Moose

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2014, 10:21:35 PM »
I seem to remember something like this in my distant past readings.  The dystopia exiles its misfits.  Makes an interesting story.  So, carry on.  What happens next?
Go not to the oracle, for it will say both yea and nay.

Offline TheOtherRick

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2014, 08:56:44 AM »
Well, I seem to have dug myself a bit of a hole here. Not sure how to get out of it. But first...in reply to Mr. Moose...

Indeed, this type of story is not new to literature or film. Countless fictions have been written about dystopian societies that have citizens wondering if there is a different or better life than the one they currently live. I just thought it would be an interesting way to begin a story.

Now to my conundrum. I should have done a bit more research into my characters. First of all, I made a critical math error. There are more than 10 bannies at the game start, but only 10 are mentioned in the prologue. I think I have figured a out work around for this problem in the upcoming chapter though. My second issue is the age of my starting bannies. In the prologue, I have written the protagonist as a much older man than his game age suggests. In fact, at least ten years older. Plus, I had indicated that some of the bannies had children. The starting ages are causing me issues with that as well. So, the next installment is going to have to wait until I solve these problems...hopefully without a rewrite of the original post.

Offline A Nonny Moose

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2014, 09:05:13 AM »
You are more than welcome to find inspiration in my little story "Into the Wild" in this section.

I don't know how you work, but I keep an updating dramatis personae file on the side to keep track of people and to a certain extent, their attributes including age of children.  At the moment, I am at generation 7 for this group, but will soon move on to generation 8.  I use the usual literary devices for lapses of time.

In my approach, I have a group of religious (atheistic) exiles.  I am avoiding any mention of religion.

I am getting rather a large number of readers, so I think it is successful.  Basically it is a soap opera with little incidents based on existing and new characters.

Oh, and don't fall into the science fiction trap of trying to explain anything.
Go not to the oracle, for it will say both yea and nay.

Offline TheOtherRick

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2014, 05:19:07 AM »
Ok then...I have dug myself out of that hole with only minor editing of the original post. But before I continue...

To: A Nonny Moose - Thank you sir, for both offer and advice. I am also tracking my bannies on a side spreadsheet. Regarding the "science fiction trap", well, the story is already leaning toward sci-fi...

I will not be posting at a brisk pace. Real life and the creative process will only allow me to post about once a week, more or less. The up side to this is that it gives readers plenty of time to stay caught up and to comment. I encourage comments, especially constructive criticism. Please note the word "constructive".  ;)  Now, on to the next installment...

EXILE #646074137

Chapter 1 - Arrival

We had found ourselves naked and unbound in an open field. Besides the obvious shock to my senses at being in a place with no ceilings or walls, there was another curious development. There were more of us here than were tried and convicted by The Clave. Even more disconcerting, these were not even the same people that were tried with me. I did not recognize a single face! My heart leaped to my throat as I scanned the immediate area.

What has happened to my wife! My dear Mara!

I examined our group more closely. There were fourteen of us. None appeared to have marked their totems any more than I have, which made me the eldest among us. Nearly half looked as though they hadn’t reached the labor mark yet. I rose to my feet, and as I did so, all the eyes of my new found companions were upon me. As far as I could see, there were no others. My wife and my friends were nowhere to be seen. I took a deep breath and turned toward the group.

“I know you are all frightened, for I am as well. A good defense against fear is action. I suggest we all go over to the cart and examine its contents, if there are any,” I stated, trying to keep a level tone to hide my own bewilderment and grief.

“What is a ‘cart ’?” one of the children asked.

“It is that wooden box over there, the one set on wheels,” I replied, gesturing toward the cart that sat several yards away from us.

Another child asked, “What is a ‘wooden’?”

Before I could answer, a red haired woman of my age stood and replied, “A ‘wooden’ is not a thing. It is a description to mean it is made of wood.”

I stared at her incredulously. She knew what wood was. A smile could not evade my lips as I realized that I was not the only one to be infused with new knowledge. When she saw me smile, she blushed and cast her eyes toward the ground. Another man, blond and muscular, spoke as he also stood up, “He is right. We need to do something. Going to the cart seems as good an idea as any.”

With that, the rest of our group rose to their feet and we walked over to the cart. It was far from empty. As a matter of fact, it was fully loaded with all manner of items. The most easily recognizable of these were articles of clothing. They were not made of the light weight paper material that we had all grown up with. These were heavy and thick. The outer surface was dimpled and slick to the touch, while the inside was soft and smooth. They were quite comfortable and fit remarkably well. After each of us got dressed, there were still several sets left over. The rest of the contents were all new sights to me. There were crates of various tools, sacks of potatoes, baskets of berries and mushrooms. The older members of our group exchanged knowing glances at each other with each new discovery, while the younger children looked upon these items with wonder and confusion.

“Ok. Let’s set some of these crates in a circle and have a seat to discuss our situation,” I suggested. Once this was done, I sat down and started the conversation, “We should all introduce ourselves. My name is Orrish Tuttle. I have marked nineteen. I was sentenced to be banished by The Clave with nine others, but none of them are here and,” I paused a moment to choke back my sorrow at the loss of my Mara, then continued, “I do not know their fate. I will assume that all of you have been banished as well?” Everyone in the group nodded in acknowledgement. I looked to the red haired woman, who had sat on the crate next to mine, and gestured for her to continue.

“My name is Veronald Guidotti. I have also marked nineteen,” she said, glancing at me and blushing again before she continued, “I was a lone child. Both my parents reached the termination mark before having any other offspring. For this, I was banished due to suspected genetic issues pertaining to my reproductive abilities.”

The muscular blond man spoke next, “My name is Lavares Guemes. That is my brother Evan,” he gestured toward a stocky boy with an obvious family resemblance and continued, “I have marked eighteen and he has marked five. He and I were taken before The Clave with no explanation. Next thing I know, we were stripped, bound, and blindfolded. The rest, as they say, is history.”

This continued until everyone had spoken, giving their names and marks. Lavares’ brother and five others had not yet reached the labor mark. Kathen Eckel had to tell us that his brother’s name was Malvis, since Malvis had only recently reached his first mark and couldn’t tell us himself. As I had surmised earlier, that left eight of us that had reached the labor mark. Only three of us have reached the breeder mark, although Chrystle Fenske is but one mark away.

It was agreed that the four oldest, consisting of myself, Veronald, Lavares, and Chrystle, should take the responsibility of leadership. My first act in this capacity was to hold up an axe I had retrieved from the cart.

“If you know what this is, raise your hand,” I requested. Hands from the eight of us that had reached the labor mark were raised. I continued the questioning.

“How many of you know how to use this?” The same eight raised their hands again.

I finished with one last question, “How many of you have ever seen or known of this object before today?” Not one person raised their hand. This confirmed what I had suspected when I read the faces of the older people at the cart. Anyone that had reached the labor mark had been given the same information flood that I had received.

“Ok,” I said, “It appears that the light is failing. Let’s get places set to sleep. We are going to have a lot to do tomorrow.”

I pulled Veronald, Lavares, and Chrystle aside and said, “Once the younger ones are asleep, let’s get together and start some serious consideration of our situation.”
All three nodded in agreement.
 

Offline A Nonny Moose

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2014, 05:59:51 AM »
A very good start.  Now the question is whether there will be any night "adventures".
Go not to the oracle, for it will say both yea and nay.

Offline Bobbi

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2014, 10:15:44 AM »
It looks like it will be an interesting story. Now that Nonny has ended his story I need a new Banished story. So sad that he lost his wife....hope he doesn't stay cold long.

Offline A Nonny Moose

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2014, 03:33:51 PM »
Bobbi, my wife passed away in 2007, and I've been batching it ever since.  My reason for killing off the other story was I simply got tired of it.
Go not to the oracle, for it will say both yea and nay.

Offline Bobbi

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Re: Exile #646074137
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2014, 07:33:36 PM »
I was referring to Mara, but I am sorry to hear you lost your wife. Your story was great, but I understand wanting to cut it off.