Author Topic: Not able to be around much these days  (Read 408 times)

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Offline galensgranny

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Not able to be around much these days
« on: August 07, 2018, 02:51:34 AM »
I am not able to be participating much these days as I am caring for my 88 year old mother who is in very poor health.  She is getting into end stage congestive heart failure and also into late stage chronic kidney failure.  She can not do much of anything at all on her own.  She needs help getting up out of a chair, even though we have a lift chair.  She is very weak and unsteady.  Times when I was about to reply to something on this forum, she called for me, or I was too tired to type a reply. 

I have been trying to keep up with all the updates and admire everything, but I can't do as I had been. 

It is hard learning curve to care for a person who has difficulty moving and needs help with almost every basic need.  She sometimes won't drink unless I put the cup to her mouth.  Getting her to eat is also a problem.  I wish we could afford a skilled, part time assistant for several hours a day, but we really can't.  We do get someone free twice a week to sponge bathe her, paid for by her health insurance, but I need to help move her for the bathing, so I can't be "off duty" during that time.

She sometimes thinks she sees people in the room.  Sometimes it makes her anxious, and other times not, but that is something else new for me to get used to and try to handle.  Nothing in life prepares one for this situation, unless one is a nurse for people getting on towards their end of life so already had the training and knew what to expect.  It really got me rattled when she said she saw her deceased mother in the room.

Right now she is sleeping peacefully, and I am awake early in the morning, so am trying to decide if I should play Banished for a while, or go back to sleep.  Sometimes I don't sleep when I could, as I need to have some waking hours of just me doing something fun. 

Online RedKetchup

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2018, 03:37:42 AM »
i wish you alot of courage. be strong!
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Offline galensgranny

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2018, 04:29:46 AM »
Thanks, Red!  I will try to become a Norseman, from Tom's mod, and be stronger and tougher!

Offline kid1293

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2018, 05:08:30 AM »
I also wish you the best.
I have a mother of 85 to take care of. She does most things by herself but there is still a lot
of things that I don't want her to avoid because it is too hard for her or simply -
she sometimes forgets about them. She always wonder what I am doing when I am modding.
Sometimes she remembers from time to time but other times it can get annoying.
I am also not prepared for this. I have always lived by my self.

So @galensgranny , you are not alone in this. :)

Offline angainor88

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2018, 05:59:46 AM »
I wish you strength and courage as well

I have always appreciated your comments on my mods and stuff, so take all the time you need to take care of both of you.

Offline galensgranny

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2018, 06:16:05 AM »
Thanks Kid and Angainor.   :) I just got my mother to eat some yogurt with her pills in it.  That is a tip for anyone who might wind up with a person having trouble swallowing pills.  Or put the pills in applesauce.  Of course, just do one pill per spoonful.

She is resting now, so I have some time.
Kid, it seems it might be a bigger adjustment for you if you have lived by yourself.  It was hard to get over being constantly interrupted by my mother needing something, which has been for the past 5 1/2 years even before she took this down turn, because she has bad arthritis.  I didn't expect to feel so annoyed at first.  But when one is not used to it, feeling annoyed momentarily just flares up when you have to keep stopping something you were doing, even when you know the other really needs help.

Offline brads3

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2018, 06:19:32 AM »
that is very sad. hang in there.

Offline kid1293

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2018, 06:28:36 AM »
I have my share of frustration! :)
I have lived with her 12 years now from totally confined to bed,
after major surgery, til this day when she does most things herself.
It is the interruptions that is disturbing. Sitting at computer juggling
numbers and distances and trying to remember where and how and
then she calls for some little thing that is just as important as my modding.
I have learned a lot and I think I have got better understanding.
There will come a time when she maybe not recognizes me, but
one day at the time :)

Offline Abandoned

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2018, 07:02:11 AM »
@galensgranny I have been there too in the past, it is very difficult for both you and mother.  I wish you the best.  Be with us here when you can, you need some time for you too.  Take care  :)

Offline Goblin Girl

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2018, 09:22:47 AM »
My 92 year old father in law is in a nursing home.  He had a massive stroke three years ago, and his life partner tried to care for him at their home, but after two years she just couldn't do it any longer.  She was sacrificing her own health.  We got them home health aids for 20 hours a week, but that still wasn't enough.  She dropped my FIL several times, trying to transfer him to the toilet.  So, that clearly wasn't safe for either of them any longer.  And none of his three children were in a position to take a quadriplegic into their homes, so a nursing home was the only option. 

@galensgranny , can Medicaid not provide any home health aids or other services?  What about a nursing home? It sounds like you need far more help with her than you are getting.  My heart goes out to you.

Offline galensgranny

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2018, 10:58:59 AM »
Goblin Girl, my mother is not on Medicaid, but rather is on Medicare.  Medicaid provides much more help, but my mother's Social Security is too much to get on Medicaid.  I don't think her Social Security is a lot, but there are people getting less, and maybe some hardly any.

A nursing home might be OK, but it would not be the best for my mother in a way, and my siblings had a major fit when I was going to have her go for a week for respite care, meaning I get the break.  They have come to help, but they live 500 miles away, so they can't come at just any time.
She is in Hospice Care now, and they are great about giving supplies.  So that part is good.
Thanks for the good wishes, Brads and Abandoned.
Kid, I don't think there is a way to not feel annoyed with so many interruptions.  We can only try not to show it, especially when it is for something like, "Come look at the bird."


Offline embx61

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2018, 04:18:01 PM »
So sorry to hear this @galensgranny
I know what it is to have to take care of a loved one who cannot do it themselves anymore.

Try to keep strong!
Sending much love to your mother and you.

My beloved Kathy
As you were you will always be
Treasured forever in my memory


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Offline galensgranny

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2018, 04:54:47 PM »
Thanks, embx!

Offline Nilla

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2018, 02:39:33 AM »
Sorry to hear @galensgranny. I wish you a lot of strength. My thoughts are with you.

I know how it is to have a parent who suffers from dementia. My father died a few years ago, after years of getting more and more confused and weak. My part in taking care of him, was nothing to compare to yours. First my mother took care of him with help from the community, later he was in a nursing home. Again I'm grateful to live in a high tax country. To me the worst thing was to see, how a beloved person gradually disappears.

Offline catty-cb

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Re: Not able to be around much these days
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2018, 04:28:56 AM »
....I am also not prepared for this. I have always lived by my self.

As did I, but my Mother had a heart attack at 65 (strangely enough as near as we can work out at the same time as the boxing day tsunami was taking place) and eventually ended up living with me full-time as she ended up having to have surgery which she never quite recovered from ... and in the last couple of years has started having mobility problems, I sold my house last year as it had stairs and she could no longer get in or out of the house by herself, now in a nice two bedroom place with a wheelchair ramp a lot easier to manage and I think we are both a lot happier since the move.

She does need help with some of the the basics, but here in New Zealand that's organized and paid for by the local hospital.

Best wishes to all of you, especially @galensgranny